the new, old revolution

I think Christianity has forgotten that it is basically all about 

LOVE&GRACE

both undeserved

but that's what makes it so hard and amazing

maybe it is the coming of a new revolution

Awkward Alzheimer's *Update

She knows my name! eek! I couldn't wipe the grin off my face the other night when my Ah Ma said: 

"I-Shen, lai chiak"

(I-Shen, come eat)

I think I was stunned into silence for awhile.

so I guess chinese is a useful language after all!

don't know what I'm on about? click here.

dollar days

Hmm.. it's a rainy rainy night  in melbourne. Flicking through the internet, a thought pops into my mind. What happened to the Kony campaign? What's changed in the world as a result of Kony? Not much I think. That's the thing about massive campaigns the seem really cool for a moment. It makes social justice way too easy for those of us who are willing to pay for fair trade coffee and wear a bracelet to make poverty history. 

Easy come, easy go. Just as quickly as everyone was happy to hop on the bandwagon, the crowds have fallen silent very quickly and continued on with their lives.. they've done their bit for child soldiers.. they shared a video on Facebook! Don't you know? Clicking "like" on photos now cures health issues too! 

That being said, I think it's good to educate the masses. A genuine "Well Done", heaps of people now know about the issue of child soldiers, but I just wished that the solution offered was more than just wearing a bracelet or putting up posters (this goes for any other campaign). 

So here is the challenge that I'm putting out, that I'm taking on as well. If I spend money on non essential items on myself, I'm donating half of what I spent towards social justice causes. This way, I constantly remind myself to only buy what I need. On the other hand, if I choose to buy it anyway, surely I can spend a couple of dollars to better someone else's life. Given I'm a bit of a shopaholic, I think I might make the world a better place in my own little way after all.

Awkward Alzheimer

I've been meaning to get back to blogging for a while now but life has gotten real busy. In the last few months since my last post, I have:
- graduated
- got a "big girl, grown up" job
- stepped down from leadership
- figured out my faith a bit more
- been a bridesmaid at my brother's wedding
- found my calling
- grown up
- bought things because I need it for work.


I've also had the privilege of having my "Ah Ma" (paternal grandmother who lived in Perth) move in with us for awhile. My Ah Ma has Alzhemiers, she's had it for awhile now. My earliest memories of this saga are of a family meeting where she was beginning to realise that her memory wasn't quite up to scratch and I remember my biggest concern then at age 10 was that my Ah Ma would forget my name and who I was...12 years later, she doesn't know my name and that is okay. She recognises my face and she tells me she loves me and I think she means it. Sometimes she forgets I don't speak Hokkien but we have a giggle about it. Now that I'm 22 and have worked in the healthcare system, my biggest concern is her safety... and yet there's that niggling thought about her not knowing my name. Does she think she is sitting next to a stranger every time I sit next to her on the couch? Maybe the fact that I'm calling her Ah Ma alerts her to the fact that I am one of her granddaughters. One night I came home from work and walk past her room. She sees me and is genuinely excited and welcomes me thinking I've flown in from Melbourne to Perth. I'm grateful for these moments. 


For the longest time, I'd look at her sitting on the couch and wonder if I should just come out and say " Hi Ah Ma, I'm I-Shen", and yet I didn't. I find it so terribly awkward to have to reintroduce myself by my name to my grandma and it was such a struggle between wanting her to know that I wasn't a stranger so I didn't freak her out when I hugged her (not that I think she would, she'd willingly hug anyone) and getting over the awkwardness of it all. Then... it hit me. 


My Ah Ma was a Chinese School Teacher.. actually both my grannies are, but you'd never know cause I can barely write my own name in Chinese. I speak enough to continue a little conversation but not much else. But my Ah Ma doesn't remember this, so I've asked her to "teach" me Mandarin even though I know  the basics already. We begin by the general:


me:Ni hou ma?
     (How are you)


ah ma:Wo hen hou, ni ne?
           (I'm very good, how about you?)


me:Wo ye hen hou. Wo de ming she Lin Yi Sien. Ni jiao she mo ming je?
      (I'm also very good. My name is Lim I-Shen, what is your name)


ah ma: oh very good!  Wo de ming she Huang Pao Ying.
           My name is Ng Pao Ying


we've been having this same conversation regularly now. I'm glad I've found a way of getting past the awkwardness of having to outrightly tell her my name. Now I'll just have to think more laterally about getting her to stop washing the dishes repeatedly seeing as we are in a drought prone state.

the digital age and the real person.

twitter, facebook, myspace(obsolete), google+

where does one draw the line? where do you say, this is the private side of me, this is the public side of me. Where do we stop "crafting" who we are to the outside world and just be real? When do we stop writing for the sake of gaining attention and write for the sake of expressing thought, logic and reason? When does the person we are online become the person we are in our daily lives?

I've been known to come off as scary. I keep my distance often, I'm pleasant and cordial enough but I'm not exactly one to hug you when we first meet. When you do get to know me and you are in "the circle of trust" I'm blunt and I say things that may seem a touch un-PC, funny, but very much unfiltered. There are however, no qualms about my stand on things. I DO apologize when I'm wrong but I don't um and ah about things that matter to me. 

So last night, the message was on compassion and justice and there was a call at church to stand if you wanted to "stand for compassion and justice". I would've, I didn't want to be the odd one out. But something within me stirred and said "no, don't stand up, despite what others may think, you have compassion and justice in you". I sat in silence, in prayer, squeezing my eyes shut until i looked around as one by one everyone stood up and I sat... and knowing by my own convictions that I did not need to stand up to prove to anyone that I was compassionate and for justice. 

I didn't need to physically stand up to show that I stood for something I always stood for.

I sat because I know without a doubt that I do seek compassion and justice... 

I just didn't need to let everyone else know.

just like how I think sometimes people post things on facebook so other people can validate their "goodness"

when words fail..